Thursday, December 15, 2016

The Light

The Light

By: Christy Bidon

                                    “And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.  God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.”
                                                                                                     Genesis 1:3-4 NIV
    As we wander through life we all encounter crossroads.  Have you ever noticed that perhaps during a certain time of year you don’t care, feel sluggish, unmotivated, and depressed?  Maybe you struggle with some memory loss, concentration?   Let me tell you a story.

   There she was, sitting in her living room; feeling overwhelmed with this huge leap in faith and life by returning to school.  What was she thinking?  “I must be crazy” was just one; trying hard at keeping her eye on the bigger picture.  She was trusting in God, and trusting in herself.  Not holding onto the past, knowing tomorrow is a gift, yet today was the present God intended for her to have.  She needed to embrace it.  On this particular day the darkness seemed to be hanging over her head a little more than she wanted.  Feeling less than, not good enough, her concentration was poor – her mind would wonder, why me? Maybe she was just depressed.  She didn’t have time for any of that.  All this thinking lead her straight back into her past – the past of darkness.  How was she to eliminate such feelings?  She started hanging onto:

   At just that moment “The Light” came on.  She started researching more about this light.  With God as her light she was able to uncover some of the most helpful information, and a different definition of “The Light.”  So often this darkness comes to those during winter months and is labeled as ‘SAD’.  According to the researchers at the Mayo Clinic, “Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) it is a type of depression that’s related to changes in season – SAD begins and ends at about the same time every year.  If you’re like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.  Less often, SAD causes depression with the spring or early summer” (2014, para 1).  As she continued to read she was beginning to believe that maybe this was what she was suffering from, not depression.  She continued to search this disease and found what could be a possible solution.  She called it “The Light”; medically they call it Bright Light Therapy.  She found that there have been many studies done regarding this type of therapy.  Her finding revealed that if you have some of these “symptoms including but not limited to:  feeling hopeless, worthless, low energy, sleeping problems, agitated, low concentration” (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2014, para 3), you may find that bright light therapy medical treatment useful.  Many of the symptoms that she has experienced, she realized that having a learning disability, difficulty with concentrating and comprehending may not necessarily be true.  

Thursday, September 29, 2016

The First Steps!

I sat on the floor with an encouraging smile on my face, "come on you can do it, you can."  As he looks back at me with this glow in his eyes and a giggle in his voice.  His arms reach out in front of him and that right foot took that first step!  "I knew you could do it, you are such a big boy"  I told my 9 month old son, Benjamin.

I will never forget the look on his face as he took that first step.  He knew he had just made me smile at the same time I started that level of "you can do it"  I always taught him that.  Never would I have dreamed how much that first step truly would mean to anyone.

Now, again I sit on the floor with the encouraging smile on my face, "come on you can do it, that's it"  as my second son, Zhan took his first step!  His smile from ear to ear and a look of  "I did it" and he tried it again.  Another step in my life I will never forget. 

I am so proud of my boys and all the steps they have taken in their lives.  Some not so good and some just amazing.  That is how life works right?  We make a choice that may not have been the best, and what do we do?.... we pick up our feet and take another step in another direction.

I keep putting on foot in front of the other as well.  "I love Santa Claus is Coming to Town"  who would have thought that putting that foot in front of the other would lead to a feeling of rejection!!  I lived being rejected for more than half my life, by what seemed like everyone that ever came into it, except my kids of course.  It bothered me, yet I don't know that it did as much as it should have.  See in "my" world I felt I had the best thing ever......that's right my children, they are the light of my life. There is nothing they can do to make me think differently.   I use to joke with my ex-husband and boys that once they turned 16 they could get their drivers license have it for a short period of time, than I was going to put them into this time machine and make them babies.  This way they would each get to take turns at being the oldest and I would never have to let them leave.

Many years later I have realized those thought only lead me into a state of depression, for more years than I want to remember.  The last 3 were the worst.  I can't recall every thinking I would be able to over come the "state of depression".

I finally decided in January 2015 as I sit on my living room floor and said "Lord, I am taking this next step and completely surrendering to you.   I never thought that I would or could receive such an  amazing life changing gift.

Today I have spent the whole day writing this. I have truly been dealing with rejection in so many ways.  God keeps putting this verse out of Romans in my head.  As I am trying to research something completely different he keeps side tracking me.  He pointed out

My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways,                                 Proverbs 23:26 (NIV)

I can only imagine the look on my Father's face as he continued to encourage me to make that amazing step to follow him.  I know I wear a smile on my face each and every day.  Each and every day my Father reminds me that he loves me and that no matter what happens he will always love me.

Today as I thought of how my sons and how life is at this moment, how others only want to continue to look at the many steps from my past my father reassures me with this

When life seems dark I turn to the Lord, he is the only light that I need.  I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God!

Friday, June 3, 2016


I have been so blessed.  I absolutely love how the Lord is using my life for his glory. Taken all my brokenness and making me new.

I have always believed that I would live to be 113.  Ya I know that's a long time.  On 11-2-2015 (12 added together) while during my complete surrender unto the Lord going to Israel being completely obedient (my dad passed away 3 days before) he removed my heart of stone. Later that day he presented the Angels.  On 11-3-2015 (13), I was than baptized in the Jordan River where he filled me with a new flesh.

I did live a life of brokenness, negativity, and felt unworthy of his love and forgiveness.  After returning home the pieces keep coming together.  There is already the 12 Disiples (11-2-2015). His calling is #ComeWithMe and be my 13th (11-3-2015) Disciple.  On that day my past life was put behind and I lived to be 11-3.  I am so beyond excited to live my life as the 13th Disciple.

Thank you Jesus for choosing to love and die for me.  If not for all your love I would not be able to make my choice..... YES, I will come with you.

Suzie Eller, what an amazing book.  You truly are an inspiration !!

Come With Me

Monday, May 23, 2016



According to Wikipedia:

Faith is confidence or trust in a person or thing; or the observation of an obligation from loyalty; or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, or a belief not based on proof, or it may refer to a particular system of religious belief such as in which faith is confidence based on some degree of warrant the term 'faith' has numerous connotations and is used in different ways, often depending on context.

Faith is the opposite of doubt.

Faith is possibly the single-most important element in the Christian life.
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6(ESV)
Our proximity to God drives
our activity for God

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1(NIV)
I know that by having faith I know God keeps his promises and he will always provide for me. Through faith I have strength and courage to deal with anything that comes my way.

I use to see things as impossible now with my complete faith in God I know all things are possible.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

My Light

Do you find yourself just sitting Stale?

Do you every just sit and try and remember what you did for the last week......?

Did you find yourself sitting in Darkness?

     My answer to those questions is  YES!

I say pretty stale and in darkness for the last week.  I would not have thought that on any one given day over the last week.

Do you realize that Mother's Day was only 2 weeks ago! Hard to believe.  What have I done with those 2 weeks?

It sure feels like it has been much longer than that.

On Mother's Day a family of Robin's hatched, the nest is right on my deck in my flower pot.

I have watched these 3 babies grow.  Watched the parents take care of them as well.  Feedings, keeping them warm, protecting them from danger (I think they thought I was lol)  I sure did learn a lot about Robins.

I also realized that I was sitting in darkness.  Where the Lord at in my life.  See I have fear of what he wants of me.  I know that I am worthy, just sometimes I fall a little short.  I think we all do.  I know that we may even get down on ourselves about it.  I did!  I know that I can fix it and I plan too.

He gave this verse to me

I am so excited for this week.  I am going to go forward into the light.  Finish filling out the application for college, write more where he wants me, most of all, LISTEN to him.

Please come over and join me at Let Us Grow

Let Us Grow

Friday, May 20, 2016


Hello everyone,  My good friend Diana Rockwell writes on Five Minute Friday.  I am new to blogging as of February 2016.  I don't know what to really Expect just hoping that I will be able to get a better hang of all this.

I am a Christian, was baptized November 3, 2015 something that I did not expect as I had been baptized in February 2013 when I originally gave my life to the Lord.  I am in Love with the Lord and am eager to continue on my journey.  I know that I expect that i will have days that I may fall a little short, I know that I am human.

I have no expectations as to what may come of this blogging, I just know that it is where the Lord is calling me at this time along with going back to school.  I don't know what he expects to happen with that as I am scared to attend school.

See I was not that good at school.  I only expected to graduate way back when........ Oh ok,  I graduated in 1986.  I am 48 years young, I have two grown boys.  Benjamin, 28, Zhan, 25.  Benjamin is married to my wonderful daughter-in-law Ashley and they have blessed me with 2 amazing granddaughters,  Addison Grace (3) Evelyn Rose (4 months).

So I am glad that I did not have to much to expect as to what I could type in 5 minutes.  I just looked it up as I had received it in my email and decided this was the Friday I was going to start.  I sure do hope that it links.  I am not real comfortable at that yet either.

God Bless All of you.

Joining you all at Five-Minute-Friday

Five Minute Friday

Thursday, May 19, 2016



She sits and waits…….

Waiting and waiting…….

She knows what she longs for

Will he ever give it to her?

As she sits on the ground, there he is

Will he do it?

She closes her eyes and she can see him

As he approaches her he lifts his hand to her chin

Raising her head eyes meet

As he looks at her he says  “I love you!”

Reaching down and holding her tight giving

Her the kiss she is so longing for.

Day dream and day dream

Is all she seems to do.

How she longs for his touch………..

Now here she sits not all alone……..

Yet she is all alone…………..

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Blogging from A to Z April Challenge: A REALLY BIG Thank You!

Blogging from A to Z April Challenge: A REALLY BIG Thank You!
Had lots of fun and it taught me a lot for a first time just starting out blogger 

Monday, May 16, 2016


As I lay here not being able to sleep I am struggling.

I have struggled to just do my day to day.  March 8 I could feel a change yet I chose
to ignore, or did I?

April came and went.
The returned birthday card-
the pain in my heart.
I felt like falling apart

I am strong
I will not let this tear me apart.
I know I am different
From all the rest
The hurt is not any less.

Oh how I love them
No matter what they do
I cry my tears
Both day and night
Hide from the world I can
Hide from God,
I can not........

He even asked the Lord up above

And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”   Matthew 26:39

Even Jesus didn't want to go through all he did if it was not necessary.
He would and he did.

This I know that I can be healed, I don't have to
Let this control me......
For he tells me this.......
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26 NIV)
I will not lead on my own understanding.

Heavenly Father,
  I know that the only POSSIBLE way through this storm is through you.
Please forgive me of my sin in doubt by laying here sulking, forgive them
Lord for they know not what they do.
I know you have not place others to replace me, you put them there to watch over
My loved ones during this time I need to be apart, it will not remove me from
Their heart. Guide me, as I have knowledge I seek wisdom as to how to
handle this the way you would.
I praise you for giving me grace for giving your son to die
For me.  In Jesus name I pray

Please follow as I link up with Karen at Tuesday at  Ten

Monday, May 2, 2016

Forgiveness Tuesday@10

 Forgiveness is Very Powerful

It is hard to forgive, wouldn't you agree?
Forgiving requires work, sacrifices.  I never realized how much work went into forgiving.  I have my whole life forgiven those around me.  I thought that since I did forgive everyone why did I hurt so much? 
A few years ago I read this book by R.T.Kendall "Total Forgiveness".  After reading it I actually purchased the audio book.  Because I travel I felt it was good to have, as forgiving is not just a one-time deal.   As you read on you will see:
 The answer to the question why did I still hurt so much?
    The two most important I never forgave myself or God!

 Why not forgive myself?
   1. I never felt I deserved forgiveness
  2.  It seemed to me that no one on earth ever forgave me.
  3.  Due to the fact I felt I did not deserve to forgive me - I could not imagine that
       God would forgive me.
 Why not forgive God?  Why did I need to forgive God?
  1.  He would not forgive me
 2.  I felt that when I prayed to God at a young age he never answered 

 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice. (Luke 23:34 NLT)
How does one learn to forgive?
When we forgive we release another from a sin (action) that was done against us.
 Society tells us that if someone has hurt you to push them away.  Not to keep that negative in your life.  That is not Gods way.
 If you choose to push away from the one you need to forgive - you allow "SIN" to "WIN".  We need to draw closer to each other to become stronger to NOT allow "SIN" to "WIN"
 Deciding to forgive someone that hurt you is a choice - a choice that god wants us to make.
 Forgiving is a daily process.  You never know when something will remind you of the hurt someone caused you.  The bigger the hurt the harder it can be.  The less you think of the hurt and feed your anger the easier it becomes.
 Sometimes our emotions can get confused with forgiveness.
 I felt that if I was having a "HAPPY" moment - I had forgiven the one who hurt me - than just one small thought popped up and I would be angry again.
 I did this for 5 years.  After my ex-husband had an affair we continued to stay married.  We had many "Good" days than out of the blue - a reminder would creep in - be a reminder to him how I spent money we didn't have and lie about it - or - her name and I was reminded all over again how he lied and hurt me.
 Finally after 5 years of this ongoing battle I found myself getting involved in a relationship.  Thought the grass was greener - so I left.  I had been gone only 3 days and realized how much I truly did love my husband.  How I had spent so much energy at being hurt I forgot about who he truly was.  He is human and made a mistake.  His actions of showing me he was sorry just looked to me like he was only doing them because of his mistake, not because he loved me.
 We both got lost and lost sight of that love and who we really were as individuals and as a husband and wife.  We truly were awesome together.  I wanted to go back home so bad - run into his arms and take back all the hurting words - I just didn't know how. I became angry with myself for hurting my best friend.  I felt again, I didn't deserve to be forgiven.
 I didn't want to forgive because I didn't want to get hurt again - I was afraid. 
  (I think a lot of us fear this)
 When you forgive it does not mean you forget.  In fact, God never said we are to forget - in fact if you can look back at the hurt and the pain - look at how God brought you through the mess.
            “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37 – NLT)
The past pains can be used for future gains.  You reflect on how God brought you through that storm to get you through a future storm.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016


I am always hopeful that each passing day will bring:
  1. My children's hearts closer to God.
  2. My Children finding the true meaning of forgiveness.
  3. No stress for me just because I slept an extra 15 minutes.
  4. Peace for Our Country.
For most of my life, I had hope. The difference then was that I had a negative hope. Remaining hopeful takes a lot of work. I spent a lot of time being pessimistic.

I was just running this through my mind and this is what came to me.

Have you ever had a day that you just wanted something to go your way?

Or you hope and hope for something and you just feel as if you will never get it?

How many spend their lives being hopeful...
  1. That the pain in their legs will go away.
  2. That for just one night they can go to bed and that restless leg syndrome will just stay tucked away and let you sleep.
  3. That the headaches will go away.
  4. That someone will notice .........
I know that many try to remain hopeful in their lives, in order to catch a break and just have everything go right.

God knows what we want and what is good for us. Here is a completely different thought...

Was Jesus ever Hopeful?

For the day each and every one of us would find peace and trust in his Father, God?

Did Jesus hope for anything while He was on this earth?

I know that I will always have real hope, because my hope will not be set on earthly things.
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:2)
Many seem to have lost sight altogether of the truth that hope is something more than the result of things, when it is a gift and a grace. We need to continue to have hope for all the promises of God, hope for the enjoyment of Him, hope for the things that are not seen, that our future, difficult, though possible to be enjoyed, hope for heaven and eternal happiness.

Hopeful in one another, even if others have stopped being hopeful.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7)
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. (Romans 8:24-25)

Liking up with Karen and others for the Tuesday at Ten.

A Faith Filled Heart: A Faith Filled Heart: 'Time' Tuesday @ Ten

A Faith Filled Heart: A Faith Filled Heart: 'Time' Tuesday @ Ten: A Faith Filled Heart: 'Time' Tuesday @ Ten : This is so funny.  I write out most always my post, I don't just hop on in and star...

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

A Faith Filled Heart: 'Time' Tuesday @ Ten

A Faith Filled Heart: 'Time' Tuesday @ Ten: This is so funny.  I write out most always my post, I don't just hop on in and start typing.  It would be nice if I could do that, but i...

'Time' Tuesday @ Ten

This is so funny.  I write out most always my post, I don't just hop on in and start typing.  It would be nice if I could do that, but it is what it is.....

I can come up with these little things.....

Some-days I find myself just standing in one spot, staring into the air.  Why do you ask?

In all honesty I don't know.  I know that this is what I think almost always.  NO I am not crazy  lol

I will wonder what am I doing just standing here?
I will ask myself aloud - "what are you doing - you complain you don't have enough time to get stuff done - no wonder - look at you - right now - just standing her wasting time."

Now that I think about it I do it a lot.  More times than I want to admit I am sure.  All is good.  However, as I am tying this right now I do believe that I am OUT of TIME for this post.

I missed the deadline.  I am typing this anyway.  See I was in the emergency room on Sunday night, we went again last night.  Last night I was thinking.  Ok I will write my post and get it in tomorrow.  NOT, !!! Well maybe.

We always do things in our time.  I know that I used to always just go to God in my times of sorrow or pain, yet never really when I was having a good day.  That is in the past now.  I go to him for everything.  Thanking him, praising him.

On July 30, 2015 during my amazing Online Bible study I was given the following verse.
Let us than approach God's throne of Grace with Confidence, so that you, Christy may receive Mercy and find Grace to help you Christy in your TIME of need.  Hebrew 4:16 (NIV)
The power behind that verse for me was completely life changing.  On that day, July 30, 2015 my dad had a feeding tube put in, his health was failing.  We were told we would have about 8 years with my dad.  On this day his life took a drastic turn.  On October 23, 2015 completely unexpectedly my dad passed away.  This was very hard for me, I knew though that it was Gods TIME to bring him home.  At the same TIME I was leaving in 3 days to go to Israel.  I did not know how this verse was connected until after I returned home and at the right TIME of my life I completely surrendered to God and where did I do that at his Throne, I went with Confidence, received the Mercy and found Grace all during the TIME of my need with the passing of my father.  It was hard for me to go on this trip, the Lord had me book the trip back in January.   I promised God that I would do what he wanted of me and I knew that my dad was excited for me.  So I went and during that TIME I was Honoring Both of my Father's in Heaven.

The Lord now has all of my TIME!!!!!  

Please come on over I am linking up with Karen Tuesday at Ten.

Monday, April 18, 2016

'L M N' A to Z Blog Challenge

Good Evening Everyone,

                I would like to start off by saying that this sure has been a challenge.  No so much as the challenge itself, its all the craziness that went on around me.  Finishing the taxes, having to deal with computer issue.  I have been using computers for over 30 years.  Never have I encountered what I have been so far this year.  With all that being said, as you most know I have fallen a bit behind. 
I am going to take this time to catch up.  If my memory serves me right  we are on the letter:

 I have decided to do Nest:

A Nest is a receptacle that is prepared by a bird as their home.  It starts out as a home for receiving their eggs and young.  There are many types of Nest and they all very by species.
A receptacle prepared by a bird for receiving its eggs and young. Nests differ with species. Eagles use a large heap of coarse sticks and twigs on the cleft of a mountain.
"Does the eagle soar at your command and build its nest on high?                       (Job 39:27 NIV)

 There are many other verses that reference birds and the nest that they make.  Each nest that is made follows the building codes of the one whom will dwell in it.  In the early building stages the bird with hope to another tree less likely to be seen to where she may be able to lay more eggs.  The first biblical reference to a nest of a bird is found in Balaam prophecy: Then he saw the Kenites and he spoke his message:
“Your dwelling place is secure, your nest is set in a rock.  (Numbers 24:21 NIV)

Something I found very interesting about all this is actually the process of building the nest.  It seems to resemble that of how we build and keep our own homes.  We all have codes (rules) that we follow in not just building our homes but as we grow and maintain them.

'O' A to Z Blog Challenge

How I would love to address this issue is I have decided to create art.  This is only for a few of the letters that I have gotten behind in not all of them.

Just Being........

Wednesday, April 13, 2016


A moments Thought!

Do I only matter for the other persons gain?

I want to feel  like I matter?

Know that my feelings count

I want another human to care.

Don't want to feel used.

I find I am seeking to have my needs meet from the human form!

I know GOD cares about my feeling!

I know that GOD knows me better than I know me!

                                                           I know I am loved by GOD!

Do you struggle?

Know this..............
You are not alone.............
Through Jesus Christ............
He Loves you for who YOU are
Not by the things you do

Monday, April 11, 2016


God is so Good!!!!!

Linking up with Karen and others for the Tuesday at Ten. Join me there!

Heart of a Ready Writer: Imaginative – God's character from A to Z

Heart of a Ready Writer: Imaginative – God's character from A to Z

I love this post.  God and his imagination and creativity.  Look at all of us in this  World. He created us in his image and we all have such great imagination and creativity.

Some of us feel that we don't have or we lack being an artist we can't draw we can't paint or writing we can write but maybe our words don't flow like someone who really can write.

Our society alone look at the inventions in the way our world has changed from a typewriter were you would use liquid to write out a mistake and put it lined it back up in a typewriter no telephone we got mail by a horse and I think sometimes that was even faster than normal these days.

I hope that you all have a wonderful God Blessed Day!

'D' A to Z Challenge Day 4

 Hello,  I am excited that you are here.  If you are just joining my blog and this page being your first stop please continue to read, if you would like a little more history please click here and read "Captive"  

      Originally this "D" was to continue on with my life story.  It will just not in the same manner that it was originally.  See since January I have struggled with major computer issues.  Coming to find out that I had a hacker.  Well long story short, this hacker has complicated my life tremendously.  To the point that all last week Taxes kept me "Captive"  WOW!!!!

With that all being said here is my      "D"...........

I am.........
                   Clara, Harlod, Dee, Ward's        GrandDaughter
                   Clifford & Carolyne's                 Daughter
                   Robert, Penny & Mikeal's          Sister
                        (yes I am the oldest)
                   Benjamin & Zhan's                    Mother
                   Addison & Evelyn's                   Grandmother

     That is the way I have lived my life.  Always being know as a title.  Now I love having the titles.  I would have to say the best to date is 'Gama'... That was how Addison pronounced Grandma for a long while.  I love it......

    Recently, after a long long line of not knowing much of anything I came to realize that in all honesty the best time I have is that 
  I am the DAUGHTER of the KING!!!!
     I never felt that I deserved to be called his Daughter.  I held myself to to many faults that I never realized he had forgiven.

   Finally now that my taxes are done  YA YA!!!!  I came to type in my blog post for A to Z.  Oh Yes I know that tomorrow starts 'J;.

  What I had wrote down is not what I am typing.  In fact, I am typing as it is coming to me.  I wish this was the case always.  Writing would be so easy.   I am so super excited that I am his Daughter, more excited because God gave me amazing wonderful sisters.  They are God's Daughter's too.  

I created this little poster to show how amazing my sisters are and a reminder that They are his Daughter's too.  Now, you may not see everyone's face on this poster I want you to know you were not forgotten.  I love you all, being behind put me to a limit. 

  I truly do not want to hit you all up at once with what I am behind.  So my goal after this post will be to 'E, F, G, H, I, J'  I and I will try and do E & F or J.  It will get confusing.

Thank you all for stopping and being patient with me.  I a excited to be blogging.  I am new and have been doing this for a Month.

I love everyone of you and everyone of you that are not on here as well.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016


I came across this prayer and wanted to share.  I love this.  One of my sons reached out to Todd,  boyfriend, today.  I am so happy.  I have always prayed for them and I will continue every single day!

Back:   Benjamin
Middle: Me
Front: Zhan
Prayer for a loved one that hurts you

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

God is Good!

Thank you Lord for choosing me to be your example.  I ask for your continued guideance in Knowledge and Wisdom.  You are a Good Father and I am Loved by You!  You washed away all my sins and gave me a new Heart.  As I stood on this rock looking over the Sea of Galilee, wondering  WHERE ARE YOU?  I never have to ask that question again.  For I know you will never leave me.  You are so gracious Lord.
In Jesus Name I pray.

Monday, April 4, 2016

"B" is for Benjamin

What does the name Benjamin mean?  That name is actually very popular.  I personally love the name as it is my first born's name.

There are alternative spellings which include Benjamen and Benjamim.  Many common nicknames for Benjamin include Ben, Benny and Benji.  Growing up many called my son Ben. I preferred Benjamin, as that was the name I gave him.  Never would I have nick-named him "Benny" as that reminded me of "Benny Hill", and I was not a fan. Benjie reminded me of the dog! lol.  One of his favorite books was Peter Rabbit.  When he realized Peter's friend's name was Benjamin Bunny he thought he was all so cool.

Benjamin is a name with Hebrew origins.  The meaning of Benjamin is Son of my Right Hand.

Biblical Benjamin
Benjamin was Jacob's last son.  Mother Rachel died after giving birth.  With her last breath she named him Benoni (son of my sorrow), however, Jacob named him Benjamin, (son of my right hand).  Benjamin had ten sons.  Benjamin was blessed by his father to be fruitful.  He was just that, by the 2nd census he could care for 45,600 troops "Numbers 26:41" with Abidon as its prince.  The first allotted land went to the Tribe of Benjamin.  The assigned territory lay just above the tribes of Judah.

Map showing The Tribe of Benjamin


Government Benjamins

One of the most famous Benjamins, Benjamin Franklin, was one of the Founding Fathers of the United States. A renowned polymath, Franklin was a leading author, printer, political theorist, politician, freemason, postmaster, scientist, inventor, civic activist, statesman, and diplomat. As a scientist, he was a major figure in the American Enlightenment and the history of physics for his discoveries and theories regarding electricity. As an inventor, he is known for the lightning rod, bifocals, and the Franklin stove, among other inventions. He facilitated many civic organizations, including Philadelphia's fire department and a university

Benjamin Harrison was the 23rd President of the United States; he was the grandson of the ninth President, William Henry Harrison. Before ascending to the presidency, Harrison established himself as a prominent local attorney, Presbyterian church leader and politician in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Benjamin Netanyahu was born on October 21, 1949, in Tel Aviv, Israel and grew up in Jerusalem. He spent most of his teen years living in the Philadelphia area, where his father, noted Jewish historian Benzion Netanyahu, worked as a professor. In 1967, he returned to Israel to serve in the Israeli Defense Forces' elite unit, "Sayeret Matkal," and took part in a number of military operations, including the dramatic 1972 rescue of a hijacked Sabena passenger jet. Codenamed "Operation Isotope," the rescue was led by future Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak

Sunday, April 3, 2016


April 1, 2016 12:52 a.m.

Jesus Hold Me Now

As I am sitting here in the emergency room,with my boyfriend, Todd, we have spent the last 24 hours being different.

I have to say that I felt and saw a change in him on March 15th. I can't tell what it was - I just know something was off. Now here we sit.

Blood pressure 158 over 105, putting a needle in his arm taking blood. Now the doctor, Todd looks so different. They are taking him down for some x-rays and an ultra sound - thinking gallbladder.? His uncontrollable belching are the same symptoms that I experienced when I had gallstones.

Todd has returned and we are sitting here waiting. As we wait we started talking about the PAST!

On this day April 1, 2008, I sat in a doctors office waiting to talk to a nutritionist. My oldest son Benjamin, home on leave during his tour in Iraq, and my husband at the time, Kit, were at the vet with our German Shepherd, Jasamin. She was 3 when my parents got her for Benjamin - they loved each other so. She is now 17 years old. Being that she is Benjamin's dog my husband and I felt the right thing to do was to let Benjamin make the choice of putting her to sleep. That is what the vet thought was best at her age, and failing kidneys.

Jasamin was a wonderful and amazing dog. She was so good. We all love her. It was a hard choice to make that day.

My son, Benjamin, now 28 years of age, two beautiful daughters, a wonderful kind-hearted loving wife.

Addison Grace, Evelyn Rose & Grandma (me)
Here now 2:25 a.m. we are heading home. Instructions nee a stress test, they will contact us in 72 hours. Call a specialist in regards to the polyp that was detected in his gallbladder. Its funny, yet not funny as we had discussed that just maybe it was his gallbladder. Its good to be home. Though I am still feeling something is not right.

Ok, can this day please get better?!? Now 4:40 a.m. Todd is not doing well. In the bathroom - he explains he just like spit up and was all gross, black and looked like coffee.

Laptop lets see what we can find - praying as I research for this to be nothing. We find "not what I want to see" "Bleeding Ulcer" - On the phone calling the doctor that we just saw, left message, finally those 10 minutes were long. After explaining all that he, the doctor, will consult with another doctor and get back to us. Waiting - oh how I don't like to wait.

Now, 5:00 a.m. call back from the doctor after reviewing the x-ray and ultra sound and consulting his colleage - it very well could be a Ulcer "Bleeding Ulcer".

Todd is now off to the emergency room by himself as we have no idea what was going to happen or how long -so I am home writing my blogs and doing taxes.

Call from Todd, 5:25 a.m. - they are going to admit him and going to run and I.V. with a medication and do a scope to see what they can find. He has to wait until the 'today' doctors come on shift - The doctor said that if surgery is needed it will be done today.

Heavenly Father,
I praise you Father for keeping your promise to love us, to forgive us of our sins. I come to you seeking guidance for the doctors today Lord as they look over Todd and this medical condition going on. For comfort to Todd that this will be ok and we will get through this together all 3 of us.
In Jesus Name I pray

Today has been a strain already, I know that we will get through all this, my Faith shall not be altered. Now, 4:45 p.m. Todd finally getting into a room and going down to have an Upper GI done. Finally, the wait is over.. His stomach is all scratched raw, not real sure why, medication it is, I will try essential oils for sure.

Finally at 8 p.m. home and now it is 11:01 p.m. and I am putting the finishing touches on my blogs (almost).

I spent the time in the PAST reflecting on what was going on in my life 20 years ago today, all during the process of creating a new PAST!

The Past has typically been a negative for me. I just know now that "When you believe in the Lord he forgives us of our sins of the Past and makes you new!

Thank you for stopping by.

Come join me and read some great blogs Tuesday at Ten.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

A - Anguish

It is March 31, 2016 it has been a very long day.  Trying to get taxes completed, not being able to use the computer in the manner I need to for that.  My boyfriend is having this uncontrolled belching.  Oh I so wish it would stop.

As the day went by it just continued to get worse.  I could not concentrate at all.  Finally I heard this peace......Wait .......why.....??????

He comes out of the bathroom just as red as can be.  I asked him what happened.  He was having terrible pains in his chest.  I quickly went to the computer to check out "Heart Attack or Stroke"  nope not that.  So off to the hospital we go.  I could clearly see that he was in anguish.  I was feeling it for him.

After seeing the doctor leaving and arriving home at 2:25 a.m. It just seemed to get worse.  The news of him having a polyp in his gallbladder, and going to have to do a stress test did not make matters any better for him.

It was just a little after 4 in the morning and nothing better.  So he called the doctor and he wanted him to come back in because now we had blood.  He arrived at the hospital at 5:15 now with an I.V. in his arm waiting for a room.

I am truly having a lot of anguish.  I have recently turned my life over to the Lord so I ask the Lord to help guide the doctors, him and me.  I didn't want to feel like this, I did not want for my boyfriend to feel it either.  How can you not when the doctors are talking about a "bleeding ulcer"

Finally at 3:45 this afternoon they got him into a room.  He hunger, and getting crabby as he has not had any sleep.  They got him in for an Upper G.I.  stomach is all tore up.  The doctors are not sure really why, and they don't believe that all his symptoms are related to this either.

We will go in next week to see a specialist regarding his gallbladder.

I could feel my anguish diminish.   I just remembered all day that the Lord had this, doesn't mean I did not still feel the anguish I was just able to focus my energy on believing that God would take care of it.
I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.   Psalm 31:7
Thank you for visiting.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

He Has Risen

In the past, my Easter would consist of hunting for eggs and to see what was in the Easter basket.  I only attended church as that was what my mom wanted me to do.

This year it is completely different.

The Lord has blessed my life beyond anything that I could ever have imagined.

God gave us his son Jesus so that we could find eternal life.  I have done that.  I have found the complete Joy.  I know that as long as I keep going to him I can make it through.  Yes it took me 37 years to figure it out.  He had to even explain it to his disciples 

“In a little while you won’t see me anymore. But a little while after that, you will see me again.”
17Some of the disciples asked each other, “What does he mean when he says, ‘In a little while you won’t see me, but then you will see me,’ and ‘I am going to the Father’? 18And what does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand.
19Jesus realized they wanted to ask him about it, so he said, “Are you asking yourselves what I meant? I said in a little while you won’t see me, but a little while after that you will see me again. 20I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy. 21It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world. 22So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy. 23At that time you won’t need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name. 24You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.  John 16: 16 - 24
As I reflect on the fact that God made us in his image and what Jesus endured for my sins, I never thought my sins could ever be forgiven.  I was wrong.

I had the privilege of going to Israel in November of 2015.  It was a very life changing experience for me.  I know that through Christ that there is nothing I can not do.  I still struggle with life's emotions, but I have learned how to handle them.  I stood in his tomb where he was laid.  It was so peaceful to know that "He has Risen"

Linking up with Carrie and Barbie for Weekend Whispers.

Barbie Swihart


  Nazareeth was considered the town where "The Prophet", Jesus came from and performed many

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have
    Eternal Life.

    Wisdom is given to those who ask for it.
 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God,A)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">(A) who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  James 1:5 
God along understands the way to wisdom; he knows where it can be found for he looks throughout the whole earth and sees everything under the heavens.  Job 28:23-24

I was never a non-believer to the extent that I thought that Jesus or God was not possible.  My non-belief came in the form of "forgiveness".  I could not believe that my sins could ever be forgiven. Mostly because those here on this earth have not forgiven me.

On November 2, 2015 I became a true believer.  As it is stated:
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  Ezekiel 36:26