Thursday, February 25, 2016

Care



What does Care mean? 

         Show concern for others, health, feelings, needs.  Taking the time to do for others in making
         the right decisions not to make a mistake.


We care about what others think of us.  Why is this so important?

We live on this earth and look to others for approval.  That is just the way our society has driven us, implemented into our brain.  We care about the clothes we wear, how we design our hair.

We care about our possessions, our money, all that we cannot take with us.

I can't say that I don't care about what others think of me.  If they believe me or not.  Yes I do care. The difference in my care now is that what others think about me does not matter as it did once upon a time.

Does it bother me that I am not always believed, that others don't want to believe that I have changed?  Yes!  I know that we all have our own opinions and I can't change that.  I just keep remembering:
I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. (Psalms 31:7)
I will never not care about others or how others feel or think.

I have always cared for others and will continue.  I am a giver by nature. It is the way the Lord made me.  Sometimes my caring may have seemed like smoothering to some, or taken out of content.  I wanted people to care about me, and I still do, its just my value of having them care is not what it once was.  I can not change the way one thinks, however, I can change the way I think.

They may care deep down inside and are just not sure how to show it.  Some may not want to show it for fear it may require another step,

Never be afraid to care.  Caring is and always will be a big part of my heart.  I don't know how NOT to CARE!

The Lord will take care of me.  I let him.  I have completely surrendered to him.

I am linking up with Karen at Tuesday at Ten

http://www.findingthegracewithin.com/tuesdayatten/

When



When will we be there?
The famous question when we were kids on a vacation.  Always in a hurry to get to where we were going.  It was always fun.  As we grew older it became more "I am tired of being in the care!" lol

When can we eat?
When we were hungry, or sometimes bored so we think that we are hungry and want to eat.  This is a common question when on vacation as well.  
  
When will I be loved?
A song popped into my head.  After the break up with my high school boyfriend of 4 years, I didn't think I would ever be loved again. I have been looking for that my entire life at the age of 19.  Didn't think it would ever get here.  

I GOT IT!!!!! I know when I will be LOVED...........
When I have children.  I know that even with my struggles that I had with my mom, I still loved her.  I had to. She was my mom.  So when I have kids I will always have someone to love me and I will have someone to always love.
    

As years have gone by, they are now adults and I have not always felt love from them.  In fact I thought for sure they didn't love me.  How can you love someone and treat them the way that some people do?  Most important is, I know that they do love me.

When will I be Happy?         
When will they believe me?              
When will I be trusted?


All good WHEN's.

When will I surround myself with good?

During 2015, I realized that I have always been surrounded by love.  God loves me whether I am happy, sad or feel unloved.

I have always looked for Love in the wrong places.

WHEN will I be loved, happy, wanted?

Always.

When I was created, I was loved. When I finally let it all go I realized that I have always been loved.  It was never truly a matter of When I was loved.  It was a matter of When I realized I was loved.

I am linking up with Karen at Tuesday at Ten

http://www.findingthegracewithin.com/tuesdayatten/


Surround


When I look back and think about Surround I realized that I felt so unlovable.  Tried to think about why?  Why did I feel so unlovable? I tried to figure out why I felt so compelled to surround myself with all the negative?  Being abused at a young age I didn't really know what to do.  As I have looked back I realized that I surrounded myself with the negative, as that is what I was showed.  

At the time, I never actually realized that is what I was doing.  I just thought that I was supposed to be surrounded by all of this.  I always asked God why.  Why did He want all of this bad to be in my life?

Even at church growing up, I watched kids make fun of me, teachers tell me I was to do this, the bible says to do that, yet they never did.  I married a man who abused me in every-way possible.  I was just so prone to surround myself with the negative.  I so wanted this all to change.  Never truly knowing where to go.  

Between 1994 - 2011 when my 2nd marriage came to an end, I had good moments, yet in my mind the negative thoughts still surrounded my life.  I did not know how to make them go away.  I wanted to be happy and have what I always believed.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son.  That who ever believes in him shall have everlasting life."  - John 3:16.  

I believed it then and still do. 

After the marriage ended,  I again surrounded myself with the negative.  I finally had to get tired of being surrounded by this negative.  In 2012, I started down a path of depression, but was  not truly aware of how deep or long this would go.  This continued until 2014.  

From 2013 - end of 2014, I surrounded myself with the Lord.  The depression never went away.  Things were still negative, however, I was not letting go.  Finally the end was to end.  Three years of depression was enough.  I promised God in December of 2014 that I was not going to let depression stick around.  I would not be surrounded by the negative any longer.  I was all HisI was surrendering myself to Him and would be obedient and do what ever He asked of me.  

The year 2015 brought many different trials and negativity, and the depression was just trying to come back. But the Lord sent me to Israel in October 2015.  What an amazing trip.  I have taken depression and kicked it out the door!

I still have times when negativity tries to get back in. But I remember that I am surrounded by the Lord. I know that those who judge me, those who think negatively about me, they may continue to do so.  

I have done nothing but surround myself in God. The happiness that I feel I do not deserve? I do deserve it and I have it.   

I know that no matter when I was surrounded by negativity, I was surrounded by the Lord. 

This is how I felt for so many years:
For troubles surround me -- to many to count! My sins pile up so high I can't see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage. (Psalms 40:12)  
I am surrounded by mockers. I watch how bitterly they taunt me. (Job 17:2)
But now I know that when I feel surrounded by negativity, I am not alone for God is:
For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. (Psalms 32:27)

I am linking up with Karen at Tuesday at Ten

http://www.findingthegracewithin.com/tuesdayatten/



 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Belong

I started following this group about a week ago, just when the word "Care" became the word of the week. I was very intrigued by the word and intrigued at how others would interpret it.

I thought a lot about the word "care" as I waited for my blog to get up and running.  I'm starting a new journey in my life. I am completely unaware of how to truly work a blog, yet I know that I am being lead in this direction.  I feel that if I could take the word of the week and be able to write something than I could also blog it.

I believe this to be a challenge for me to actually truly think about the word.  So this past week I thought about "care".  I didn't write anything, just thought.  Now here it is a new week with a new word.  I like the word BELONG.

I mean Peanut butter and Jelly belong together.  Mom & Dad belong together?  Printer & Paper? What truly does BELONG?

In the last hour I have thought about what the word means.  Hmmmmm.....What does Belong mean to me?



New changes in my life as well as new challenges.  I am 48 years old. For 37 of those years I would refer to the word Belong as,

What belonged to me? 

As a small child, my toys, clothes, my mom and dad belonged to me.  I believe that for most of us the first word we learn is "mine," which to me references what belongs.  If I found something it was mine, belonging to me.

Where did I belong?  

As I grew up and changed I wondered "where do I belong?"  Is that group of girls where I belong?  How am I alike?  We yearn to belong somewhere.  We search and search.  We make choices thinking we belong in certain activities, groups, cultures.  After a while we may than wonder....

Did I belong there or here?

We grow more and we start to think what group we are with is not where we belong. As young adults we want to belong to someone.  If we are single/married feeling hurt and unwanted we may even want to have someone belong to us.  Often one clings to material items that they can say belongs to them.  Boats, houses, etc.

Who belongs to me?

As I reflected on this six letter word, I also came to realize that sometimes we may even reflect who belongs to me/us?  Who do I belong to?  I am finding this word to be a powerful word.

I know that as my life started, I belonged to my parents.  One of the first things I remember was that when I was given something, it belonged to me.  If you stop and think about it one of the first things that we teach our children is what belongs to whom!

A toddler is told "NO". Why?  It does not belong to him/her.  Yet a short while later as they age they are taught to "share" what belongs to them! Yet what they wanted at one time or another was a "NO" so we are really teaching them to "Share"?

As I grew older I wanted to belong so badly. I felt as if I didn't even belong in this world.  I felt most of the time all that wanted me was anything that got me into trouble.  Though I knew that if I got in trouble I could get attention and feel like I belonged.  I would hang with the wrong group, change what I believed in, talked in ways I would never talk just so I could feel like I belonged!  It never worked out the way I wanted it to. Usually, it made me feel less wanted.

When I gave birth to my first son, I was so excited.  Someone that belonged to me and I belonged to them.  I never had to feel like I didn't belong any more.  That was not true.

I have had some very life changing events in the last five months.  I lost my dad and this will be another time. I gained complete joy and love and life and I found where I truly belong.

My first thought when I saw the word BELONG was I belong to Jesus!  Than I pondered.  What did I use to think?  How did belong, belong in my past.  I look back at my life and really realize that I was a very lonely person.  No matter how much I thought I belonged I never did.  My children don't belong to me.  Who do I belong to?  

As I sat here wondering and wondering.......I know I belong to Jesus.  How many struggle with where they belong?  Want to belong somewhere or to someone?  

I am currently reading Ezekiel as it has been very moving for me. This was something that I remembered,
For everyone belongs to me, the parent as well as the child—both alike belong to me. (Ezekiel 8:4)
If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. (Romans 14:8)
As I have had some struggles, I have had this happiness, joy that I never felt before.  I know where I belong.  It has been a not-so-easy journey to get to, but I know that it was well worth all the lessons that I have learned.

If you read this and you feel as I once did, "I don't Belong", you do BELONG no matter what, no judging.

Linking up with Karen and others for the Tuesday at Ten. Join me there!

http://www.findingthegracewithin.com/tuesdayatten/


Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Understanding

As I woke up this morning I felt as if I had a scrambled egg brain.  I just could not function or stay on task. I had no idea what way I would be going for the day, and I was just trying keeping my mind in the clear and on the Lord.  Often I find myself getting stuck in what is hidden deep behind the wall that is there yet not there.

So many times we get wrapped up in our storm/season that we forget that someone else may also be going through a storm/season.

I know deep down inside that the Lord has this no matter what is going on in my life.  Though I may struggle with "me" I still have compassion for others.  We only behave by natural instinct.

Today I read a post of one of my best friends whose heart has been broken.  I called her with great concern as my heart was breaking right along with hers.  As we (naturally) blame ourselves, or try and figure out what we did wrong. I let her know that I am here for her.  I even asked her, "This one who hurt you, do you believe they are a good person?"  Her reply was, "Yes". I asked her to remember that.  Good people can do things that are not of them.  God gave us free will.  No, they are not in the right to hurt others, but sometimes we need to remember that they may be going through a storm/season that we are not aware of.  I recalled all these things from my own past.  I truly remembered this and pray that I was able to help her.

I would like to remind  everyone of this:

As what ever our circumstance in our life is there is only one who knows what we are feeling.  Our Heavenly Father, gave us his one and only son, to endure all our pain.  In hopes that we will remember to RUN to him in our times of need.  He is the only one who knows and understand our hurts.

The lesson he has been teaching me is this,
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take HEART, because I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)
I fall pray to this always by not remembering those around me.  This last week God has been reminding me of the above verse.  I am so grateful.  He is so good.

He will never leave or forsake us.

The Heart of Mount Arbel

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Above it All

I saw him standing there looking inside

I wonder what he sees looking through those brown eyes

How does he feel deep down inside?

Can he see me standing here wondering why?

Can he see my hurts deep inside looking into my brown eyes?

Does he feel my same hurt deep down inside.

I pray as he looks he can see it real clear his mothers love is always right  here!

As I see him fade away, I reach for him you see.  I can not touch him as a vision he is to me.

I hope he knows that all of this time my love has never changed.

From the first time I looked into those brown eyes I knew I would love him to the end of time.