Monday, May 2, 2016

Forgiveness Tuesday@10

 Forgiveness is Very Powerful

It is hard to forgive, wouldn't you agree?
Forgiving requires work, sacrifices.  I never realized how much work went into forgiving.  I have my whole life forgiven those around me.  I thought that since I did forgive everyone why did I hurt so much? 
A few years ago I read this book by R.T.Kendall "Total Forgiveness".  After reading it I actually purchased the audio book.  Because I travel I felt it was good to have, as forgiving is not just a one-time deal.   As you read on you will see:
 The answer to the question why did I still hurt so much?
    The two most important I never forgave myself or God!

 Why not forgive myself?
   1. I never felt I deserved forgiveness
  2.  It seemed to me that no one on earth ever forgave me.
  3.  Due to the fact I felt I did not deserve to forgive me - I could not imagine that
       God would forgive me.
 Why not forgive God?  Why did I need to forgive God?
  1.  He would not forgive me
 2.  I felt that when I prayed to God at a young age he never answered 

 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice. (Luke 23:34 NLT)
How does one learn to forgive?
When we forgive we release another from a sin (action) that was done against us.
 Society tells us that if someone has hurt you to push them away.  Not to keep that negative in your life.  That is not Gods way.
 If you choose to push away from the one you need to forgive - you allow "SIN" to "WIN".  We need to draw closer to each other to become stronger to NOT allow "SIN" to "WIN"
 Deciding to forgive someone that hurt you is a choice - a choice that god wants us to make.
 Forgiving is a daily process.  You never know when something will remind you of the hurt someone caused you.  The bigger the hurt the harder it can be.  The less you think of the hurt and feed your anger the easier it becomes.
 Sometimes our emotions can get confused with forgiveness.
 I felt that if I was having a "HAPPY" moment - I had forgiven the one who hurt me - than just one small thought popped up and I would be angry again.
 I did this for 5 years.  After my ex-husband had an affair we continued to stay married.  We had many "Good" days than out of the blue - a reminder would creep in - be a reminder to him how I spent money we didn't have and lie about it - or - her name and I was reminded all over again how he lied and hurt me.
 Finally after 5 years of this ongoing battle I found myself getting involved in a relationship.  Thought the grass was greener - so I left.  I had been gone only 3 days and realized how much I truly did love my husband.  How I had spent so much energy at being hurt I forgot about who he truly was.  He is human and made a mistake.  His actions of showing me he was sorry just looked to me like he was only doing them because of his mistake, not because he loved me.
 We both got lost and lost sight of that love and who we really were as individuals and as a husband and wife.  We truly were awesome together.  I wanted to go back home so bad - run into his arms and take back all the hurting words - I just didn't know how. I became angry with myself for hurting my best friend.  I felt again, I didn't deserve to be forgiven.
 I didn't want to forgive because I didn't want to get hurt again - I was afraid. 
  (I think a lot of us fear this)
 When you forgive it does not mean you forget.  In fact, God never said we are to forget - in fact if you can look back at the hurt and the pain - look at how God brought you through the mess.
            “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37 – NLT)
The past pains can be used for future gains.  You reflect on how God brought you through that storm to get you through a future storm.

Maybe help someone in their storm.  With God in your life he can empower you to forgive, confess and overcome - give us hope - to be an anchor in the future.
 I know that I have been able to use my story of forgiveness to help strengthen others along with myself.
 I learned that God gave us forgiveness - he offered his son, Jesus, as a sacrifice.  We have to do the same.
Knowing God loves me so much that he sacrificed his one for me - brings tears of Joy and Sadness - see I never forgave God for not answering my prayer so many many years ago - which lead me not to be able to forgive my ex-husband.
I never truly believed God loved me that much - Thank you God for your sacrifice of your son, for loving me so much.
I have made the decision to 'forgive' all those who have hurt me.  As God sacrificed his son we need to also sacrifice.
One sacrifice is that I am choosing the difficult path of not being bitter I am moving forward removing all right of reminding them of how they hurt me.  This means no subtle digs or comments (I know by doing that it requires everyone to stay in the negative – that will damage the future)
God has taught me that as I continued to talk about the hurt and pain I was leaving a ‘bad taste’ about the person to the one I had shared with.  When you truly forgive – I found that how you present the hurts the one you tell will not have hard or negative feelings towards that person.
Over the past 4 ½ years now I struggled with my divorce (decision) and went into some major depression.  I know that I started to become dependent on my son and his wife to ‘help ‘FIX’ me.  I did later realize that and expressed how sorry I was.  Sometimes when we go through a ‘season’ we don’t always see what others are going through, or even what we may truly be doing.  I was so hurt and focused on me.  I know in my heart I was never trying to hurt anyone.  I don’t recall a lot of what happened during those years.  What I do know is that I have hurt my sons, my daughter-in-law.  I spoke earlier of this in ‘choice’ I made in January 2015 and how that choice has brought the current estrangement in my family.
I did not deny my actions – I do know that I am sorry.  We all have different views on the situation I know this.  I am very deeply hurt – I also know that they are hurting as well.  I know how I would have handled this in the past.  Not true now.  I understand my children feel that if they continue a relationship with me it may carry more hardship than benefit.
This has not been easy for me.  I feel as though it has been years – when in reality it has only been since March 8, 2016.  The day before my son turned 28 years old.  It will be my granddaughters 3rd birthday May 10th – I fear I won’t be a part of.  I have been a huge part of her life and now nothing.  I know I can choose bitterness, I don’t I choose forgiveness! 

Fathers and mothers are imperfect people; they make mistakes that sometimes hurt their children. Forgiveness is the healing medicine for all families. 

I have found that turning this over to God has been easy.  I have completely surrendered unto him.  Every time the pain creeps in I remember this verse he gave me back in July 2015.
Christy, I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. Christy, take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 – NLT)
Dear God,
   I trust that you will heal all of our hurts in our current storm.  I trust that you will continue to work through my forgiveness.  I know that there is no guarantee in the forgiveness from those whom I am forgiving or that it will bring us back into each others lives. – I do know that I will continue to trust in you to help drive away any bitterness that continue to separate us from each other.  I trust in you to help deliver and renew our relationship.  God I know that forgiveness is a process as I remember Jesus nailed to the cross – that you loved me and forgave me to restore me to your perfect image.  It is a process that will take my lifetime.  Someday's will be easy – someday's I will want to just give up – I know to remember how you have restored me –showing me your mercy – giving me grace – removing my stone heart and filling me with a new flesh.

In Jesus name Amen.                            

 I am linking up with Karen Beth at Finding The Grace Within/Tuesday At Ten

Forgiveness is Very Powerful

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